Authenticity and Imperfection – An Introduction

In my first post last year I wrote how I planned on this blog to share the stories of my life on the “red road” of life. That concept was from my reading of David A Patterson Silver Wolf, the first American Indian professor in the George Warren Brown School of Social Work at Washington University in St. Louis, who wrote on his blog in 2011 that:

“Walking the Red Road is a determined act of living within the Creator’s instructions.  Basically, it is living a life of truth, humbleness, respect, friendship, and spiritually. Those on this road are by no means walking a perfect path, but are in search of self-discovery and instructions.”

This year I returned to my blog and declared I would “present my authentic, imperfect self”. I was encouraged by my reading of Brene Brown who in her book “Braving the Wilderness” wrote,

“True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance”.

Fellow blogger Suzanne on her site “Being In Nature” has written a series of posts on her quest to find “fulfilling ways to age”. Each of them can be read here:

  1. https://beinginnatureblog.wordpress.com/2018/12/30/the-quest-begins/
  2. https://beinginnatureblog.wordpress.com/2018/12/31/defining-the-quest/
  3. https://beinginnatureblog.wordpress.com/2019/01/01/into-the-mystic/
  4. https://beinginnatureblog.wordpress.com/2019/01/13/aging-as-a-spiritual-journey-part-2/

A friend on Facebook who runs a business called “A Better You Naturally” posted this on her page:

imperfection

“I love how Brene Brown talks about Perfectionism, and how it differs from ‘healthy striving’. Perfectionism comes from feeling the need to hide who we really are….to look perfect…..to act perfect….to live perfect……it’s a way of avoiding blame, pain and judgement. But sadly, it also stops us from truly connecting, and from feeling love and joy. Being Imperfect is being honest, authentic, and understanding that we’re all in this together, and when we embrace it, we’re never alone. I love the idea of “healthy striving” which comes from within, and asks…’how can I improve, for me?’……..not ‘What will others think of me and how can I please them?’ I have promised myself this year to strive for IMPERFECTION! So…..shall we be perfectly imperfect together?” https://www.facebook.com/ABetterYouNaturallyLeanne/?tn-str=k%2AF

I say Yes, together we will all be perfectly imperfect because those words are not a contradiction, they are the same as the words “authentic, imperfect” self I wrote and lead to the word “belonging” Brene Brown mentions. In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection” Brene concludes that the “gifts of imperfection are courage, compassion and connection”. She goes on to say her book was written not so much as “self-help” but more of an invitation to:

“join a Wholehearted revolution, a small, quiet, grassroots movement that starts with each of us saying, ‘my story matters because I matter’. A movement where we can take to the streets with our messy, imperfect, wild, stretch-marked, wonderful, heartbreaking, grace-filled, joyful lives. A movement fueled by the freedom that comes when we stop pretending that everything is okay when it isn’t. A call that rises up from our bellies when we find the courage to celebrate those intensely joyful moments even though we’ve convinced ourselves that savouring happiness is inviting disaster.”

I’m there! My story matters because I matter and sharing that story brings connection in a way that enhances growth and freedom, not authority and control. Those two, authority and control, are the shadow side of authenticity and imperfection. I will develop that idea further in my next post.

 

The Writing Journey

Just over three months since I last posted on my blog and there is no single simple reason for that. When I started to reflect on why I have been quiet, the usual excuses come to mind – I was busy doing other things, I was too lazy, I was unsure if I had anything to say, I didn’t really want to! But then I started reflecting on the reason for writing on the blog and realised it’s not about frequency or building up achievements in posts, it’s about just being myself and expressing my thoughts when I need to say it.

It’s a combination of things that have encouraged me to come back to this site and do this piece, a combination that isn’t completely clear to me yet. I gained a lot of confidence from reactions to an event a writers group I am involved with started where I was in the role of chairing the event. It was an open mic night where writers were asked to read from their work and discuss it with an audience who turned up on the night. A very casual affair, small groups of people attended, but somehow it all worked and people who were quite anxious about speaking in front of an audience began to relax and shared personal stories of courage and hope. Reactions were positive and the event continues to grow in stature and size.

Then I started to read some books I had previously read by Brene Brown on vulnerability and belonging. I came across this statement in her book “Braving The Wilderness”:

“True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance”.

I decided I should once again brave the blogging wilderness and present my authentic, imperfect self. In that way we can connect and build that sense of belonging which makes us human. Then I looked at a re-write of a piece I wrote on this blog about why I write. I added this little poem:

The writer sees the bright bud of possibility growing on the trees,

The language of leaves fed by the mulch of past endeavour,

Discarded on the forest floor.

I listen to the wind of words

As I walk through the forest of feelings,

The bark of beauty,

The wood of wonder,

The trees of truth.

 

Then I discovered these two images online about trees:

Again I concluded – “it is the truth I want to share as a writer, the truth of my experience that when shared, connects us all. That is why I write”.

Join me on the journey:

journey

A Well-Educated Mind

via Three Pillars of a Well-Educated Mind

As a teacher I spent my working life in “education” focused on producing “well-educated minds” but what that meant for each individual student and even for each individual teacher was often contentious. The Education System is focused on Results – defined in academic success which is measured quantitatively and ranked hierarchically. It is then convenient for goal-oriented workplaces to select their workers based on who is “best”. In order to improve those “results”, as demanded by anxious parents and reactive politicians, the system has instigated a program of “standardized testing” which is supposed to provide information for planners to target “needs”. Unfortunately the system does not seem to recognize that standardized testing assumes standardized humans. I never met one of those in my thirty years of teaching!

Standardized testing is simply a political tool that is used to promote those who are pronounced as “excellent” and save money by sending it only to those who have “needs”. It has nothing to do with education and is, in fact a hindrance to a well-educated mind. In Australia we now have a test called the National Assessment Program – Literacy and Numeracy or NAPLAN. It is run by the rather ponderously named  Australian Curriculum Assessment and Reporting Authority (ACARA) and was intended as a tool to  “drive improvements in student outcomes and provide increased accountability to the community”. They test literacy and numeracy skills of students in years 3, 5, 7, and 9, which is at ages 8-9, 10-11, 12-13, and 14-15.

An entire industry has built around NAPLAN, including online sites with past papers, suggestions and hints for students and parents to enhance success. Teachers in some schools have been under pressure to “prepare” students by practising on past papers and teaching to the criteria of the tests rather than the curriculum. The movement to abandon the testing process is growing louder and well it should. Teachers, Principals, Parents and Businesses are all starting to question the value of “standardized testing”. There is even a Facebook page dedicated to stopping Naplan:  https://www.facebook.com/protectingchildhoodofficial/. 17800482_1928295607385998_6608780034137023046_n

This is the banner on their site.

Their impressum is:

Education; Children; Wellbeing; Play

 

That impressum is a growth formula, each level brings deeper understanding, greater knowledge, better people. Let our children PLAY, then they will learn. That is the only additional pillar I would add to the three pillars of “intellectual honesty, open-mindedness, and critical thinking” outlined by Paul in his excellent blog. As he concluded so eloquently if you adopt these pillars as the basis of good education:

Not only does it lead to the excitement of discovery, but also to the satisfaction of understanding.

Thank you Paul.

Why Write?

I have been writing for many years but now I ask why? I have recently found it difficult to write, something I struggle to understand. I have always been able to write my feelings, my thoughts, my ideas for myself. Writing my thoughts I was able to say what I really wanted without fear of negative response.

Natalie Goldberg in her book “Writing Down the Bones” writes:

“‘But why,’ people asked me, ‘does everybody want to write?’ … We all have a dream of telling our stories – of realizing what we think, feel and see before we die. Writing is a path to meet ourselves and become intimate. … What crannies of untouched perception can you explore?”

A friend of Natalie’s and a fellow writer, Julia Cameron wrote in her book “Right to Write” published in 1998:

Why should we write? We should write because it is human nature to write. Writing claims our world. It makes it directly and specifically our own. …

We should write because writing brings clarity and passion to the act of living. Writing is sensual, experiential, grounding. We should write because writing is good for the soul. We should write because writing yields us a body of work, a felt path through the world we live in.”

“A felt path through the world we live in”, exploring “crannies of untouched perception”, perhaps that is why I am struggling to write now. My path is winding, my perception broadening, my feelings deepening. I have been exploring my family history and uncovering much that is giving me pause. There is a trail of separation and dislocation that begins with the first of my Father’s ancestors who were sent to Australia as convicts from Britain. I wonder that the present generation carry some of the pain and anxiety from the past that may shape their “untouched perception” of their current reality? Is my anxiety inherited?

Science has begun to study how our DNA can be shaped by more than just physical factors. In 2017 a report of three separate studies by scientists concluded:

They came to a stunning realization that if our emotions affect our DNA and our DNA shapes the world around us, than our emotions physically change the world around us.

And not just that, we are connected to our DNA beyond space and time.

We create our reality by choosing it with our feelings.

https://www.lifecoachcode.com/2017/02/26/emotion-shapes-reality/

Epigenetics is the study of the chemical tags that wrap around our DNA and determine which are used and which not. These tags respond to our environment especially food and stress. When it comes to inheritance, we are born carrying some of those same tags that our fore-fathers and mothers had. As one scientist who has studied the effects of past trauma on the children and grandchildren of holocaust victims states:

“I think everyone’s intrigued by this idea they’re part of a history that isn’t just about the genes that they have, their DNA, that it’s also about the experiences that occurred before them to their ancestors. I think this is such a powerful idea,” said Rachel Yehuda, Professor of Neuroscience and Psychiatry at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine, New York.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2017-04-21/what-does-epigenetics-mean-for-you-and-your-kids/8439548

My story, the realization of what I “think, feel and see” in Natalie Goldberg’s words, is the story of my ancestors too. That story needs to be told in all honesty so that I may “claim my world” as Julia Cameron says. The path is long, there will be many twists and turns, hills and valleys but it will bring “clarity and passion to (my) act of living”, it will be “grounding”, but above all it will be “good for the soul”.

That is why I write.

Reflections on Anger

It has been difficult to write recently without making some reference to the level of anger being expressed in so many ways by so many people. In Australia we have the spectre of politicians expressing their anger by taking revenge on colleagues from their own political party in government, urged on by the increasingly vociferous attacks from the angry men who hold sway on some radio programs. These government leaders of our society, tasked with providing effective government, seem to have forgotten that it is best achieved by building relationships based on trust. This is certainly not achieved in an atmosphere of “threats, intimidation and bullying” as one female Cabinet Minister admitted publicly. The men call it “robust conversation”, but I wonder if they mean it the way Jim Killen and Fred Daly did? Sir James Killen was a member of the Liberal Party Government from 1955 to 1972 and again from 1975 to 1983. Fred Daly was a member of the Labor Party Government from 1972 to 1975, having been a member of Parliament since 1943. Both men had “robust conversations” many times in Parliament and in the media, but had so much respect for each other that Jim Killen wrote the preface to Fred Daly’s collection of political memoirs. I could not imagine Tony Abbott writing a similar preface for anything Malcolm Turnbull will write, and they are supposedly on the same side of the political fence?

There is a culture of anger based on frustration and fear in our society that needs to be understood. Anger cannot be denied, it is a normal part of the human condition, but it should be understood. To unleash anger in the name of improvement is the real problem. Anger, based on frustration and fear, denies the person confronting the opportunity to respond in a positive way. The only response to anger is more frustration, more fear, more anger. It builds a cycle of destruction that is the antithesis of trust, effective leadership and positive relationships. That is why the bullying, intimidation and threats that our leaders demonstrated as their preferred mode of achieving their goal in recent times is so disturbing. It destroys effective government, it does not provide it.

Last night on National Television, Alan Jones, the man who described himself as “very comfortable” with his “privileged position” that enabled him to “manipulate and paralyse our parliament”, as one questioner put it, advised one female Liberal Party member who had complained of bullying to “take a teaspoon full of cement and toughen up”. Alan has been a radio “shock-jock” in Sydney for many years and has built a reputation as being a leader of reactionary conservative views with his angry tirades against any alternative view to his own. He is one of many angry men who seem to have a hold on radio especially in Sydney. They use their anger to build an audience of frustrated people who resent changes and do not want to consider any reason to question. It is a view of the world that is too prevalent in this society of goal-oriented achievers who want to protect their place and position against any threat they perceive. That is the fear they base their anger on, that is reason we have a leadership of destroyers, not builders.

To build a positive future we need to accept and understand who we are and how we have got here. Only then can we hope to start the conversations that are so desperately needed to enable us to grow. I live in hope and offer this image for reflection. Peace.

Maleny (3)

Reflections on a Walk

Background:

Recently I spent some time in the Glasshouse Mountains of Queensland. They are in the Blackall Range west of the Sunshine Coast above Brisbane. They were named “Glasshouse Mountains” by James Cook when he sailed past in 1770 because they reminded him of the shape of the glass making kilns in his native Yorkshire, known at the time as the “English Glasshouses”. To the local Jinibara and Kabi Kabi people the Blackall Range was a special place where once every three years hundreds of people from many First Nations would gather to meet, feast and hold important ceremonies from the bountiful crop of the Bunya Pine (Araucaria bidwilliii). The forests of the Blackall Range were especially attractive to the European timber-getters in search of red cedar, white beech, hoop pine, and various hardwoods of the eucalyptus trees.

A small remnant of the rainforests which once covered this mountain range is near the Glasshouse Mountains at Mary Cairncross Reserve out of Maleny. From the entrance you can get a magnificent view of the Mountains and you can walk through the forest as it would have been when the First Nation people travelled through it to their tri-annual gathering. They have many stories of the area and the best known one is on the Glasshouse Mountains themselves. You can read the full version of it at: http://www.glasshousecountry.com.au/glasshousemountainsaboriginallegend.html.

Briefly it is a story of a family with Tibrogargan, the Father, Beerwah the Mother and Coonowrin the oldest son who shamed his family and the Father now looks away from him and the others. The following photo-story is offered as my reflections on the things I saw on that walk around the Mary Cairncross Reserve. I welcome your comments on my reflections.

Story (1)

 

I walk towards the westerly sun Story (3)through the forest.

The seat of reflection calls me, but the blue light of truth beneath it beckons me on.

The clear light of spirit shines on my path as I hear the birdsong around me.

 

 

Tree Spirit watches me warily as I go since much has been lost to the human invaders.

His wisdom will remain in this place of sanctuary so I offer my thanks for his presence today.

He has seen much of what I will never know and his strength is grounded in time.

 

5Story (2)

The forest floor holds the grounded spirit which climbs through the ancient ferns and breaks upon the spirit of sky above in it’s red pulsing glow.

 

4

“Look up!” it calls and I see the soaring canopy of leaves that opens above me and brings life and light.

I stand in wonder at the family of trees and wish my own could stand together with me.

I know the pain of dis-connection as I recall the sound of fire and flood that hurried me on.

At last I know I can see again the group I turned away.

Story (6)

It is peace I feel as I gaze before me at the solid shapes of the family I shamed. I know their tears will wash their pain as the clouds gather above to let fall their gentle rain.

Tibrogargan and Beerwah have found their family again.

Thoughts on Home

An invitation to write about “returning home” from this site:

http://wanderessence.com/2018/08/06/on-returning-home-from-the-four-corners-2/

has inspired me to think more deeply about the issue of “home”. To return home from a journey is, for most people, a comforting conclusion to an experience that leaves you with much to reflect on. That assumes the “home” you return to is a place where that reflection is possible and somewhere you are secure and safe in a supportive environment to enable time for that reflection. In our society, our home is our house but for many it is linked to land. The “house” can move but the connection to home is often expressed through a love of land and, in some cases, a yearning to return. This can be carried through generations and is, I believe part of the issue of disconnection that faces us today, a disconnection from ourselves because we are still trying to find “home”.

I am a direct descendant of a convict who was sent to this country in 1827. I stand as the fourth generation born in this land and each of those generations have made their home in different parts of the country. I have travelled to each of those places, Windsor, Queanbeyan, Beechworth, Albury and have recently been back to my birth town, Molong. I feel a family connection to each of those even though I do not live anywhere near them now. That connection is in my thoughts but in Albury and Molong it is physical as well.

Factory Workers

My Great-Grandfather, the youngest son of the convict sent here in 1827, established a coach-building business in Albury and the building he constructed to house it is today a Motel with a Motelplaque outside bearing his name.

James Carraige works Elm Court Motel Albury (1)

At the Albury Library Museum a collection of tools used by my Great Grandfather at his factory can be seen.Tools James (1)

In Molong, many of my parents artifacts are also housed in the local museum including programs from the local Show, Christmas Carols and sporting events held in the town during the 28 years they lived there. Most importantly, to me is the fact I was born in Molong and spent the first 18 years of my life living in that district. This is my connection and what draws me back sometimes to see the places I remember and feel in my heart. That is why I write in this blog about my journey beginning as it did on the “red road”of Gundawanna.

Just this year I had the opportunity to drive down that road again past the front gate I wrote about in my post on 5th August. The road is now sealed, the gate locked, the track overgrown. No-one uses that entrance to the property anymore, but part of my heritage is still visible. My parents moved away from Gundawanna 40 years ago and it has been owned by at least two or three people since that time, but still today, standing proudly on the post where my Father placed it long ago, is the mailbox with our name emblazoned on it. I was pleased it had been left.IMG_3702

No matter where the house we live in is situated, our home is where we connect. Part of that is our past and it is somehow gratifying to know that physically part of our past stays where we have lived. It gives us the confidence to follow our dreams in life knowing our roots are deep. Now I reflect on who I am knowing that where I have been and where I will go is part of me and secure in the knowledge that I am Home.